SPORT & THE LOONEY MEDICS

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Seventy British doctors and health experts are calling for schools in the UK and the Republic to ban tackling in rugby to prevent serious injuries. Did you ever hear anything so stupid in your life? What's next? Should we ban punching in boxing? 

Who are these dour colorless doctors and health experts and what is their agenda? Contact sports by definition will always include bodily contact between humans whether it is a boxer trying to knock the other guy out or the tackler trying to put an opponent to ground. Take the contact element out and nobody will want be a spectator. Worse again, young people won't want to take part. So I would ask these self-appointed white coats, "Would a lack of exercise lead to obesity and disease?" 

Hundreds of thousands of people are killed or injured on our roads each year. If you used the same logic as these bozos you would ban motor vehicles from moving. People would still be permitted to sit in their car in the driveway and play with all the buttons and knobs, even turn the lights on and off. But engaging a gear and setting the metal coffin in motion would bring an immediate fine and confiscation of the car. 

I wrote about the feminisation of the male in a previous article and this nonsense is merely more of the same. Doctors talk of risk as something to be avoided at all costs whereas very often it is the risk that is the enticement to try something. This is even more true of the teenage and twenty-something male. Another golden rule of life is that, "The bigger the risk, the greater the reward." Mankind would never have discovered fire had some bloke somewhere not taken a risk. I have no doubt that had those doctors been around when it happened they would have immediately warned against, "Playing with fire." 

So that they won't be seen as killjoys, these white coats recommend touch rugby to replace the tackle. Touch rugby is something the backs do in training and it has its place there. But there is no substitute for full balls-on tackles to let a bloke know what he's in for in a competitive game. Boys of every age love it and more mature men love to watch it and think back to their own years of the fight. The tackle is only one aspect of what is a game of courage, talent and speed. However, if you ban the contact tackle all of the other superb sights in rugby will just become pointless and meaningless. 

When your only perspective on the game is treating the fallout of almighty collisions then it is understandable you would arrive at a warped opinion like this. Nobody playing rugby wants to see a teammate or an opponent going down with a serious injury and the watching crowd don't like to see it either. Indeed the greatest proponents of the game, the All Blacks, will always run for clear space rather than contact. The skill in this is knowing crunch tackles lie all around you and avoiding them. That is how spaces open up in defenses and memorable tries are scored. It is the essence of the sport. Remove the risk of those tackles and there is simply no point in making the supreme effort. 

I have no doubt that these seventy British doctors and health experts are the same voices demanding an end to drink sponsorship also. Rugby and beer are like bread and butter in this regard and neither Heineken not Guinness appeal to nondrinkers. But a day out to an International or even a club game without a few pints would be like heading for a picnic at the seaside in the pouring rain. Why would you bother? I asked the question, "Who are these colourless people," because their point of view is so black and white without even some shades of grey. The rest of us though will gravitate to a bit of colour in our own lives, hence the divide between our reality and their aspirations. 

Finally, there is the knotty matter of accountability. I would dearly love to see these so-called health experts being held accountable and liable for their actions. If by using their undoubted influence they should stop drinks sponsorship  for example, then they should be made to personally pay for any fall-out that happens as a result. By this I mean, should Munster Rugby find themselves unable to pay the team salaries then the advising health experts should be made to pay them out of their own interfering pockets. I wonder if that alone would test the courage of their convictions?

WHERE DID IT ALL GO WRONG?

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At the time of writing, (Tuesday 1st March), the General Election counts continue. Of the 158 seats available, there are three still to be decided. But the picture is sufficiently clear for the main parties to start the horse-trading and they are doing just that.

Fine Gael swept into this election full of confidence and bravado with the motto, "Keep the Recovery going." The fact that most of us have felt no recovery at all just never occurred to them for the simple reason that they ignored us all or shouted us down when we disagreed. The net result is that they simply didn't know the awful truth because they didn't want to know. But an election is a great leveler and a humbling experience for those super-egos who forgot why they were elected. 

The last time out the electorate treated an arrogant Fianna Fail party to an explosive thrashing giving them only 20 seats to cool their heels in. By comparison, Fine Gael promised a whole new way even promising to reduce the number of seats to 150 by the time this election rolled around. In short order though they morphed into a bully even more intimidating than Fianna Fail had been. As a result, Fine Gael went from 76 seats in 2011 to 49 so far with three more yet to be decided. And speaking of kicks up the hole, Labour have gone from 37 seats to 6 in only five years of their arrogant co-rule. There is a sweet poetic justice in those numbers, is there not?

Conversely, the short memories of the Irish saw Fianna Fail more than double their seats over the five years going from 20 seats to 44. Sinn Fein went up too from 14 to 23 seats. The real story of this election though is the smaller parties and independents. This loose grouping managed 19 seats last time out but this time they have 33 between them so far.

The big picture is that out of the 155 seats so far decided, the ex-Government coalition parties have 55 so everyone that wasn't in Government for the last five years have 100 between them. Wow! I wonder if there's a message in there somewhere. 'Renua' a sort of Fine Gael for quasi-socialists couldn't even win one seat. The undeniably attractive Lucinda and her high-minded principles were roundly shunned by the people. 

Like many of you reading this, I was fooled completely by Enda Kenny's stated desire for changes in Irish politics and the human face of Government he promised. What we got in reality was the bullying and insults of Phil Hogan, the man rewarded by Fine Gael for 'putting manners on us,' with the position of MEP in Europe. The banshee-shrill voice of Joan Burton screamed about equality before the election and then promptly became a cheer-leader for the banks and big business when her ample arse hit the seat in the Dail.

Of course, it's still all to play for and the schemers are already figuring out how best to feather their own nests for the term of office and fuck the electorate and their wishes. The strident denials of deals between them pre-election have given way to the urgent need for the enriching experience of Leinster House and five years on the piss at our expense. 

Watch this space.

 

 


 

POLITICAL DEBATE, (How are ya)

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Last night on TV we had the first of leaders debates leading up to the election. I'll come back to that in another article but it reminded me of the heated Lisbon debates during both votes. I vaguely remembered at the time having listened to the politicians try to drown each other out on radio and TV that I penned a sketch to amuse myself.

So this morning I dug around my hard disk and found it. Its significance today is to show that nothing changes when politicians are forced out under the public limelight. For the purposes of this skit I speculated that the Irish would vote "No' to Lisbon a second time and the Fianna Fail coalition would be bullied by Europe to run yet another referendum until we got the right answer. So the spin doctors in the Government suggest running the vote on Christmas Day to ensure nobody votes.

See what you think:


The Scene:  RTE TV Primetime Programme on the topic of the Lisbon Referendum re-run  

Hosted by:  Mark Little

Guests include: Michael Martin (FF), Dick Roche (FF), Enda Kenny (FG) , Olivia Mitchell (FG) , Eamon Gilmore (Labour), Mary Lou McDonald (Sinn Fein), Declan Ganly (Libertas).


Mark Little: Hello & Good Evening. The Government yesterday announced the date for the third Referendum on the Lisbon Treaty. Dick Roche, isn't it a bit unusual to be holding a referendum on Christmas Day ?

Dick Roche:  Let me very clear about this Mark. This Government is determined to remain at the centre of Europe. It is only with a coherent strategy and a clear road forward and in the context of a wider Europe, with Ireland at it's centre, that the true dynamic of the Irish people will really become clear and the forces of terrorism, the left, the UK unionists and that crowd over there, will be cast off to ……

Mark Little: Yes, yes Minister, but Christmas Day ?

Michael Martin:  Actually Mark, I'd like to answer that. I think it's very clear to everybody now that Christmas Day is a family day, mostly spent at home. While this Government supports the family and indeed, let me say this, our record on family support is second to none. This Government has committed millions to protect the sacred nature of the family as the primary and core unit of the economy and in fact, since 1995, we have repeatedly ploughed billions into initiatives that entrench ….

Mark Little: Yes, yes Minister, but Christmas Day ?

Michael Martin:  Exactly Mark. The “family day”. But let's be fair about this. It is a family day all over Europe. Indeed, since the introduction of the smoking ban in Ireland, we led the way on that in the world, and ever since then, and let everybody be clear about this, Ireland has made families throughout Europe safer. There are literally billions of Europeans alive today that would have died in agony if I had not bravely confronted the publicans and other vested …..

Mark Little: Right …. right yes Minister. Ahem, Mary Lou, your party has consistently opposed Lisbon. However, your party leader, Gerry Adams, has indicated that Sinn Fein's coffers are running on empty due to the Lisbon campaigns you have been forced to run already this year. Does this mean that your party will not be a major player this time round.

Mary Lou:  Well Mark, I believe …..

Enda Kenny (sweating & twitching): That's completely untrue and you know it Mary. The Irish people know that your party, believe in nothing but murder and terror. You have consistently voted against Europe and against the Irish people. You represent no-one but yourselves and under a Fine Gael Government you'd all be behind bars where you deserve to be. It would be no ….

Mark Little:  Please Deputy Kenny, could we stick with the Lisbon debate. I'd like to return to the topic of a referendum on Christmas Day. Olivia Mitchell ?

Olivia Mitchell:  Mark, this is just another example of this bungling Government which is both morally bankrupt and responsible for the rip-off culture we are all suffering from now. They are seeking to privatise the Health Service in some wily-nily attempt to ……

Mark Little:  Please people, I must ask everyone to stick to the subject in hand. We are facing our third Referendum on the Lisbon Treaty, the previous two having been voted down and this latest one has been set for Christmas Day. Can I return to you Minister Roche and ask, why a third referendum, and why on Christmas Day ?

Dick Roche:  I'm glad you asked me that Mark. It is clear that the Irish Nation has spoken and we respect that. Indeed it is a reflection of just how deeply Fianna Fail respect the electorate, in these challenging times, and make no mistake Mark, these are challenging times. We are facing threats from abroad that are not of our own making and the people know, that in hard times when the chips are down, you can rely on the Fianna Fail party to see us through to a bright future where young people will have secure jobs, safe in the knowledge that, and let me be clear about this …….

Enda Kenny (sweating & twitching even more): That's a lot of balderdash and you know it. Our young people have been priced out of the housing markets by your developer friends, the education system is in crisis and ……… and, the IRA Army Council is still there …… they have not gone away you know.

Michael Martin:  This is typical of the opposition. Every year their support has been falling by 189%, year on year, plus or minus three, and let me say this, there would have no smoking ban if Fine Gael had their way …….

Noisy rumpus breaks out ……

Mark Little: Please folks, could we just get back to the referendum. Declan Ganly, your Libertas organisation has been vocal in its opposition to the last referendum, which you won decisively. Do you now oppose the holding of a third vote ?

Eamon Gilmore (chuckling):  It might be more interesting for your viewers if you asked him how much he has spent on it Mark and just where he got that money.

Chorus of guffaws ….

Declan Ganly: I'll answer that in a moment. Firstly, I see no reason at all to ask the Irish people to vote again ….

Dick Roche:  That's just scare mongering. The whinging ‘no side’ have lied repeatedly and completely mislead the Irish people. The veto IS secure and, let me be clear about this, everyone will be a winner in Europe. Do Irish people want to be cast out of Europe, do we want to return to the days of joblessness, of hunger and unrest, to the dark times, before Fianna Fail, when famine stalked the land. No is the answer …… er, I mean yes to Lisbon is the actual answer. Let me say this, in my long and distinguished career in Europe, indeed, at the centre of Europe, I can put my hand on my heart and say …….

Mark Little looks to the producer for help.

Roche contd:  ………. that without the structural funds, the intervention scheme, the, the, the lavish traveling expenses ahem …… But now, just let me give you an example. At a recent cocktail party at the Danish Embassy in Brussels, the Polish Prime Minister and myself were discussing important world affairs when, out of the blue, he said to me, "you Irish politic ….. aah, Irish people have done really well from Europe". Do we really want to throw all that away, are we mad.

Michael Martin:  Of course, Dick is absolutely right. Since we joined the EU, every Irish person has benefitted to the tune of €981,742.00 each, according to the best experts I could find. A further €800 billion was spent on health this year alone, including the smoking ban and, let me be clear about this, we led the way on that one. Hardly a day goes by that I am not contacted by …

Mark Little:  Now, I really must insist that we return to the point. Can I return to you Declan Ganly. Isn't it a little strange to hold a referendum of Christmas Day of all days ?

Dick Roche:  You see, again and again, just like the last time and the time before, the media spotlight is constantly on the no crowd. There's an imbalance in the media towards that side. We demand fair play on this matter, and I have made it clear in the past …..

Michael Martin:  Clearly he has.

Dick contd:  … that all we are seeking is fair play. The record of this Government in house building, our commitment to health, the new roads ……. and just let me say this, when has the no side ever built a new road ?

Eamon Gilmore: Much as I hate to agree with Minister Roche, it's clear that Sinn Fein would prefer to blow up a hospital than build one (gloats at his own genius).

Mary Lou:  But ….

Enda Kenny (shaking uncontrolably): She has a cheek to say ‘but’ after 30 years of death and destruction. Fine Gael says "get tough now and butt out" and no mistaking it.

Mark Little: OK, OK. Can we just return to the Christmas Day thing. Now Taoiseach Brian Cowen is quoted as saying …..

Michael Martin: Again Mark, that comment was taken completely out of context. What Brian Cowen meant was that the last referendum was completely hi-jacked by the lies and deception of the no side. We were shouted down the last time and, I want to be clear about this, we will not be shouted down this time around. In 2004, when I introduced legislation on the banning of smoking in public places, I was shouted down as well and only for my determination and uncanny will to succeed ……..

Mark Little (in a rage): For God's sake, can anyone tell us why we are having a shagging third referendum on ratifying a poxy treaty that we have rejected twice already and why in the name of Jesus we are holding that f@%king vote on Christmas day ?

Stunned silence. The guests look bewildered at each other. Finally ……

Dick Roche: I'm glad you asked that Mark. Let me just say this and I want to absolutely clear about it ……..

Mark Little:  aaaaAAAAAgHHHHHH ………..

 

 

CANCELING AN EIR …… COM ACCOUNT

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Eircom Ltd used to be the only game in town when you wanted a telephone in this country but then came the mobile phone followed by deregulation of the fixed phone business.

I got an Eircom fixed line in 2003 and broadband for the home as well and the only change I've made in the last twelve years with them was to upgrade to fiber-optic when it became available. In my experience you have to go through your bill from them with a fine comb every month to ensure they haven't changed your 'package' and doubled the price. Otherwise, though it pains me to say, they've been OK.

A sad modern trend in all big business though is the new version of customer care. The platitudes like the claim to be customer driven are in stark contrast to the reality if you need to talk to them. FAQ's have replaced the human voice because a web page is created once and in theory, works away 24/7 without further cost to Eircom. There is the added FAQ advantage that they don't have to listen to their customers or have anything to do with them. If you really want personal contact with Eircom, stop paying their bills and you'll get to met representatives of their retained legal firm.

Eircom recently spent €16million on a make-over and are now calling themselves "eir." They are updating their corporate image but my recent exchanges with them tell far more about the new entity than some new stupid logo on vans, uniformed staff and revamped stationary. Lazy indifferent 'Eircom' still lurks underneath thinking it is the only choice we have. 

The adventure began when two elderly relatives from the outlaw end of the family decided to get their eir ….. com phone cut off due to cost. Just a fixed line mind you because this old couple believe that the internet must be something to do with trawlers and fishing. But their home phone bill was averaging €100.00 a month so they decided to opt for a pay-as-go mobile to replace it. They have been with the same company so long they got their first phone from Telecom Eireann, the pre-cursor of Eircom which has now changed to "eir." So this addled older lady rings the 1901 helpline, waits fifteen minutes without reply, hangs up and tries again. After three aborted attempts she finally got a voice and told it she wanted a disconnection. At this point it is only an inconvenience to have to try so hard to even get a response.

The responder however was a typical 'jargon kid' who baffled and confused the woman before ringing off. All she remembered from him was that she had to send them an e-mail. That's where I came in. My better half then took up issue and phoned "eir" twice to be left holding until her patience ran out. I made the third call myself and managed to get a human instead of a recording, though I had to wait ten minutes on the phone before I did. I then verbily instructed the lad to cancel the account giving him name, telephone number and customer number. He stalled, talked in circles, tried to get me to read their FAQ's and all the usual bullshit. I pointed out to this teenager that their sales team would gladly accept my verbal order for a new contract but the lad wasn't nibbling. He insisted I had to send them an e-mail which turned out to be a form buried deep on their site. But I found it, filled it in and sent it with a clear unambiguous message to dis-connect. Job done and on to the next thing, says I.

Two days later an e-mail response is popped back to me from the customer-obsessed "eir." Acknowledging receipt of my mail they advised that it would days to "PROCESS" it. Just pull the switch and stop sending the bills, I hollered at the screen. Three days later I got another message telling me they'd soon be in touch but warning that a breach of contract fee could apply. These customers had been out of contract for about thirty-five years but I decided to fight that one another day. Sure enough the next morning there was another message from the bastards telling me that if I wanted to dis-connect, I'd have to ring 1091 ……. again!

So to remind you, if you want to cancel your account with "eir," you must ring 1901 and be told you must e-mail them. When you do as instructed, they will e-mail back to instruct you to ring 1901 if you want to cancel an account. It's an infinite loop and all the time the clock is running on your next bill from "eir." So I hit the reply button and sent them this:

Dear Can we help,


You most certainly can help by doing as instructed and canceling this account!!!!!

Surely you are not stalling and prevaricating in an effort to make a little more money? The reason for cancellation is high cost and Margaret & Timmy have now bought pay-as-go phones to replace their connection. It is therefore a simple matter for you to disconnect and cease billing them.

Your 1901 number is frustrating, badly run and time consuming and having tried that route several times already, we were finally told to e-mail your office, which we have done three times now. So please do not expect us to try that frustrating 1901 number again and begin your stupid run-around.  

Cancel that account and do so this afternoon in a timely and professional manner. If however you prefer to drag your feet further on this matter, we can carry on our correspondence through the letter pages of the national press.

John.


They were just as prompt by return with this:

Dear John,

Many thanks for your email.

In regards to your request as previously advised we would ask that you call 1901 to cancel services? We are unable to do this for you via Can we help.

If you have any further queries please call our Customer Care team on 1901 or reply to this email and we will be delighted to assist you.

Regards,
Jason
Customer Care Administration Team
At the launch of "eir" Group CEO Richard Moat said the re-brand marked the logical next stage in the company's evolution as it establishes an identity that better reflects the company as it is today. If my experiences above reflects what Richard's company is like today then they won't survive in a competitive market. I could make a joke about the, "Moat around castle 'eir," but that would be a cheap shot.

Instead I'll worry the letter's pages of the three national broadsheets with the clear message, "Buyer beware."