I've been any for a couple of weeks and neglected to express myself here on the burning issues of the day. The events in Paris are just too depressing to even comment on and I would find it hard to write any kind of sense about such extreme senselessness.

So instead, I wnat to take a light-hearted look at the news. Voices on the radio this week are pointing to the success of the smoking ban as a model to tackle obesity. I wonder where the analogy lies though?

Should the same tactics apply then it could only mean that the overweight and the obese will be asked to step outside if they want to consume their food, (by law). Fatties would be banned in the workplace, bars and restaurants. Decent respectable people shouldn't have to sit around watching big pudgies gorge their dinner in a restaurant, should they? It is enough to put you off your own dinner.

If that law got passed as it surely could be, then the next logical step would be to ask them to move away from the entrances while they eat. You can hear the voices now saying things like, "I had to fight my way through tons of heaving sweaty flesh to get inside." Much like the ban on the ten-pack, the next move would have to be to double their portions, though as with the ten-pack, I cannot not see the sense in that. 

Hospital grounds though would have to be the next battlefield. The sight of an obese person is an insult to these establishments of health and well-being. Precious children should not have to see that as if it were normal. Civic minded councillors could ban them from public parks and especially beaches for obvious reasons. Irish Rail too could have another look at their policies because it must take extra power to propel these oversized single fares up the track. 

Those inviting others into their home must by rights have the moral authority to insist their fat guests step outside when they are "being fat." This would be voluntary of course and if the sight of your obese friends looking in the window should soften your heart, you would have the discretion to invite them in for a while. Why not? That's what you do with smoking friends at the moment. 

As this thing gathers steam we could hear complaining voices claim that there's a smell from fat people and it gets on their own clothes on a night out. Figures in from the HSE suggest that the obese cost three times as much to treat as smokers. Campaigns could be run on the media to embarrass them into stopping their binge-eating. Using the same logic and the arguments used on us smokers, a strong case could be made, (and huge money must be swirling around for this persecution campaign). Price as a tool of persecution is already under consideration and the overweight could soon find themselves priced out of eating altogether.

But I can't see it all happening and for one simple reason too. Look around the Dail today, and the Government front bench in particular, and you'll see why. The sixty-per-cent obesity statistic more than applies to that lot of codgers. 

They'd be legislating to exclude themselves.