Sometimes I read a newspaper and sometime I scan it. One method is for picking up information the other picks up impressions. 

So yesterday, I had a quick scan down the Journal on line headlines before going out. Later as I drove, one of those headlines buzzed my mind. It read, "Man who staged prolonged violent attack over bus seat given suspended sentence."

Christ! I thought, what had the bus seat been charged with and why did the judge only hand out a suspended sentence to it? Whatever it did, it had made some bloke so mad that he'd pulled a knife. Personally I have never been attacked by a bus seat. I was hit by a kitchen chair one night at a party but that chair had apparently been fighting with some other guy and had been thrown across the room. On another occasion, a collapsing couch did grab me in a tight hold but my mate dragged it off me.

I'll admit that there have been times as I navigated around a bedroom in the dark that my toe has stubbed against something hard and I've always put this down to my own awkwardness. But what if the damned item of furniture moved slightly to get me? I certainly know that furniture of all kinds hates drunks. Whole rooms of the stuff have been known to move about in an attempt to knock a drunk down. 

Taking it all more seriously as I drove I remembered that bus seats are bolted down. They're nailed to the floor. Could the reason be that they have bad tempers? Are bus seats a particularly vicious strain of the species? Maybe the guy with the knife was merely defending himself. He must have been surrounded by the fuckers. Perhaps this bus seat had previously attacked his kid brother? 

Oh look!  My reefer's gone out. Be back in a mo…………………….