What with the nutter at the helm in North Korea and the weirdo steering the Good Ship America, we are in imminent danger of being engulfed in a deluge of splitting atoms without warning.

The dreaded prospect of total nuclear fallout is now being seriously considered and the merchants of doom are already warning that the lucky ones close to the explosions will be incinerated but the rest of us face slowly wasting away due to radiation and cancers.

Here in Ireland of course, we haven’t a care in the world. You see, back in 2002, the then Minister of State Mr Joe Jacob, who held responsibility for nuclear issues in this country, sent us all a packet of iodine tablets so that World War III wouldn’t affect us. Ours are in the shed at the top of the garden and this household has its own emergency plans for doomsday.

First, we’ll monitor the media for news of any kind of nuclear exchange anywhere. At the first whiff of a balloon going up, we’ll draw lots to determine which of us will negotiate the back garden to retrieve the pills. Then, apparently, all we need to do is pop one each and Bob’s your Uncle. The nasty old radiation will just bounce off us. So it will be business as usual for all of us on this little island, or so we were told!

Faith is such a great blessing.