Let's Express

MOSQUE ANTICS

Herself and myself have taken holidays twice in Turkey. Bodrum, on the south coast, attracted mainly British and Irish and this was the case with our hotel. It was a fairly quiet respectable bunch of guests who mixed easily with each other and with the friendly Turkish staff also.

But we all had to keep in mind that it was a Muslim country with its own rules and beliefs and although they humoured us with bacon for breakfast and beer on tap all day, we had to make sure not to push the boat out. A simple mutual respect allied to natural cop on was all that was needed.

Anyway, among the various trips we'd booked was a visit to a Mosque. It was an afternoon/evening bus trip up into the nearby mountains and several of us from the hotel were going. Oddly though in the queue for the bus were two young blonde and tanned Germans. They were like an ad for the Aryan race. Both he and she were tall and athletic looking, the girl alone standing well over six foot tall. I'd guess they were well-educted nd came from good homes back in the Fatherland. But what caught the eye though were her skimpy tight cut-off denim shorts and the tight white tee-shirt on her that spoke loudly of nothing at all underneath  either.

So the bus arrives and the gregarious Turkish guide with the American accented english piles us all on board. I happened, through no fault of my own I assure you, to be following directly up the bus steps behind the fraulein and can attest to the almost pornographic view. It wasn't lost on the Turkish guide either and he was visibly uncomfortable with her. But, God bless her German heart, she was oblivious to all of this. She appeared to be genuinely excited at the prospect of the Mosque.

It was a dusty drive back about a century to a scattered village up high. We disembarked and locals peeped out at us. Culturally, it  turned out to a cracker of an evening and I found the Mosque hugely interesting. But as we reached the door of it, our helpful Turkish guide told us all we would need to remove our shoes. Then there was an old guy with a hose and the guide explained that when entering the house of God we had to wash both our hands and feet. Fair enough, we all thought, so we did just that.

At the open door though he once again turned and explained that the men could walk straight into the ground floor but the ladies had to go upstairs. Then came the punchline. He added further that the ladies had to cover their heads before entering. There was mumbling but no real complaints because the head covering was more symbolic than any attempt to really trouble the ladies. So each made their own effort at it and then he was guiding us all inside, ladies first. The last of these was the big German lassie and the Turkish guide noticed her head wasn't covered and told her so. There followed so much German babble from her that you knew she hadn't a word of english. So the guide switched to sign language and I had a sudden feeling that this was going to one of life's moments.

The poor girl didn't have as much as a stamp to put on her head and appeared to trying to communicate this to the Turkish lad, but he was adamant. Perhaps it was more than his job was worth. In exasperation then he turned his back and began to explain to a priest or holy man inside just what the delay was. While his back was turned, the German girl sighed and then quick as a wink, right in front of me, she whipped off the tight white top and plonked it on her head, shrugging as she did so. She was, as a result, topless and almost naked. So when the small Turkish guide turned around, he was looking directly, (at eye level), at the biggest pair of bare tits he'd ever seen. Words cannot describe his facial expression and sheer horror. 

It was the golden moment frozen in time and then both his hands shot up and grabbed a tit each to cover them. Then he instantly realized that wasn't the way either and whipped away both hands. Gertrude was unmoved by any of this and looked just slightly confused. She appeared to trying to say that her head was now covered as instructed and could she please go inside. In fairness to him, the Turk knew when he was pissing up a rope. So this little village in remotest Turkey saw their first female ever inside their Holy Mosque with her head uncovered, but of course it could have much worse. 

I'd say it was the talk of town nevertheless for years after.

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